Baby Fever is no Joke.

This post may make light of it, but man, hormones are raging.

I’m 29 and I consider myself a young woman still. I can “roll” with the young chicks. I still like my hobbies and participate in mindless hours of celebrity gossip.However…I’m at that weird stage of life. The body wanting to be pregnant stage.

OH MY GOD EVERYONE START FREAKING OUT!! YOU’RE NOT READY FINANCIALLY. OH WORD.

Chill dudes. It’s okay to explain that PHYSICALLY my body is screaming at me to have a kid. Let me explain:

Do you remember having a weird female friend who would obsess over the children’s section at Wal-Mart when she’s….single? Or your coworker who seems to take extended breaks when a baby enters the building? How about the group of young mothers who (since they can’t quell their own baby fever yet…for whatever reason) urges others to have one as well?

It makes even the most secure and defiant women weak at times. Do you know that instead of being talked IN to having kids women usually have to talk themselves OUT of having them?

Baby fever is running HIGH around here and the increasing number of adorable children running a muck does not serve the common sense well. Stick a sign on my back that reads “middle aged with no children, please keep your chubby faced child away or else this chick might fly off the hinges.” Erik has two friends who both have babies under the age of 3. All of whom are so cute…

The inner dialog commences as such while at parties (the family parties with kids…because we’re old now):

Oh. My. God. She is so cute.

Stacia. Calm your self down and go back inside to grab a drink.

I guess a drink would….OH WOW! He’s gotten so big! Let me see if I can still pick him up! YES! I CAN!

PUT IT DOWN. PUT IT DOWN. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STACIA!

…maybe he is heavy. I’ll go grab my drink. Wait…what? Did she just say juice as goosh? Where’s Erik? I want to talk to him about a Facebook video I saw…

You’re lying. You have nothing productive to say to him. Just sit down and hand the kid her Capri Sun.

I’d continue, but the conversation never really ends. You just find peace during times when people aren’t uploading their Easter photos of adorable kids onto Facebook. I’ve learned that watching horror movies sometimes shocks the baby fever out of my system for a few days*.

I never really respected the women who got so fanatical about kids…until now. Sisters, I apologize now for any eye rolls I may have given as a teenager about baby fever.

I really really wish I had advice about how to cope with baby fever besides caving yourself up and away from all triggers. Perhaps taking up a new hobby or fostering cats**. (Funny enough, we’ve actually had this conversation about fostering cats.) The one thing I do suggest is to make fun of yourself and have fun with it. You ARE crazy and your body wants to pop out a minion. Don’t have a kid because your hormones are telling you to, but damn, you don’t need to act all prude-like and deny that your body is ready. It’s OK.

*not a recommended solution for baby fever

**also not a recommended solution for baby fever

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